34 potholes. We counted. From space. The Council has been informed.

Using our telescope — which we own, from space, which we paid for and launched — this publication has conducted a comprehensive survey of the Dricken Valley road network. The results are as follows: 34 distinct potholes in a 4.2 kilometre section of primary road. We have submitted these images to the Council as supporting material for Mervin Tomfry's infrastructure motion KV-2241. The motion was defeated 411-1. The Roads Party's only supporter was the Roads Party.

We wish to note, for the benefit of the 411 councillors who voted no, that these potholes are now internationally documented. They are in the survey data. They have been photographed from 380 kilometres above the planet. They are not going anywhere. Neither are we.

'Thirty-four potholes. Documented. From orbit. You're welcome, Dricken Valley.'

The Greens-In-Practice have objected to the Dricken Valley survey on the grounds that it constitutes surveillance of a potentially protected landscape. We have noted their objection. We have photographed three more potholes.

In unrelated news, we are told by our station crew liaison that the telescope also photographed something interesting in deep space last week. We have placed this story on page 12, between the crossword and the snack-tree forestry supplement.