KerbTab

Is the MSC-003 engineer “the new Valentina?” KerbTab ran the numbers. Kerbin answered rudely.

Valentina Kerman was the first kerbal in space. The first to spacewalk. The most famous living kerbal. And now — brace yourselves — there is a second kerbal with a “first” to his name. Huddin Kerman, engineer, MSC-003, was the first kerbal to board LSI 1. He performed the station checkout. He apparently said “systems nominal” and then got to work, which is the least dramatic first in program history and we love him for it.

KerbTab has launched a poll: is Huddin Kerman “the new Valentina?” Current results: 11% yes. 61% “that’s not how firsts work.” 28% “who?” We will update these numbers as they develop — mostly because we refresh the page when we’re nervous.

We also want to know: what is Katdorf Kerman doing up there with those experiments? NASA said the results are confidential. KerbTab can exclusively report that we have absolutely no idea and neither does anyone else, but we are very interested and will be covering this story until someone tells us something, or until lunch, whichever comes second.

First real station science in MSC history. Zero selfies from the lab. The math isn’t mathing.

NASA hasn’t disclosed what’s being run in the LSI 1 science module. That’s standard classification for early-stage research. It also means nobody knows — and in the current media environment, that means everyone is speculating. KerbTab wants to know. Orbital Mechanics Quarterly submitted a data access request. The Kerbin Herald ran a sidebar. Whatever Katdorf is doing up there, it’s the program’s first real science output and it’s happening right now, allegedly in silence, which we find personally offensive.

An unnamed source who has definitely seen a microscope once told KerbTab the experiments involve “liquids,” “numbers,” and “not posting.” Another source, who works adjacent to coffee, said Katdorf “seems focused.”

We asked NASA for comment. They sent a PDF. We did not open it. We assume it was flirting.

MSC-002’s live-streamed EVA is the obvious blockbuster subject. Delvina Sorr is watching. We are casting from the parking lot.

At least one documentary and one dramatization are expected from MSC-002’s helmet-cam era. KerbTab has already launched a “who should play Valentina” poll — Jula Westin (Apogee’s “Vera Kass”) is the frontrunner despite not being consulted, which is how Hollywood works in our hearts.

Delvina Sorr has stated publicly she hopes whoever makes the film “doesn’t give her another horizon to stare at.” KerbTab interprets this as shade at Apogee’s rooftop reconciliation scene, which we also did not attend because we were busy refreshing Crewgram.

Forty Seconds walked so MSC-002: The Limited Series could run — eleven failures, one room, no music, and now maybe one airlock that doesn’t open. If that’s not awards bait, we don’t know what is (we don’t know what awards bait is).

Docking failed. The airlock failed. The drama did not. KerbTab was seated for every frame.

For eight hours, Kerbin watched. Valentina Kerman suited up, stepped out, deployed a solar panel, found a broken airlock, and came home. NASA confirmed Basic Station decommissioned. KerbalX was directed to build a replacement. KerbTab confirms Valentina remains the program’s most recognised face — internal KerbTab poll: 94% want her on the Mun, 6% want her on a talk show, 100% want her to drop a skincare routine for vacuum exposure.

MSC-002 also marked the first 3-kerbal crew, first R-SLS2 flight, first live-streamed mission, first Mach 3+ reentry on the vehicle, and the first time a nation collectively screamed at a docking port like it owed them money.

Madvis Kerman and Dogun Kerman were also there. We see you. We’re just not ready to talk about it yet. Give us three more exclusives.

MSC-003 docked clean. No drama. KerbTab considers that suspicious.

MSC-003 — R-SLS2 carrying pilot Jedidiah Kerman, engineer Huddin Kerman, and scientist Katdorf Kerman — launched, reached orbit, rendezvoused with LSI 1, and docked. The sequence went according to plan. At mission control, people clapped, which in the context of this program counts as suspiciously chill.

Huddin was first aboard for checkout. Katdorf activated the science module within hours. The crew will remain docked until the next module arrives, then assist docking from the station side — which KerbTab reads as “they’re busy” and also “they’re hiding something fun.”

Fuel Depot contract still open. Observation Cupola still open. KerbTab’s open question: which contractor is going to be the first to leak a cupola mirror selfie with Earth in the background? We’re waiting. We’re refreshing. We’re hydrated.

NASA declined to say what the solar relay network is eventually for. KerbTab fills the silence with vibes.

Which program authority confirmed the network is operational and then declined to specify what it was built to eventually communicate with? “We are building infrastructure,” Administrator Wernhardt Clane reportedly said. “What we build it for — that conversation is for another day.” KerbTab can confirm that “another day” is our entire business model.

The unknown object is still out there, still unnamed. SOLARCOM is operational. The relay infrastructure is ready. Three kerbals are living in orbit doing science. KerbTab’s sources (the sky) say tension is building.

This item has been 73% vibes. Results may vary. Accuracy optional. Entertainment mandatory.

One kerbal. Two firsts. Zero media training. KerbTab is not handling this maturely.

RECAP FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT: Huddin Kerman (engineer, MSC-003, she/her, verified) was first through the hatch of LSI 1 when MSC-003 docked. She said "systems nominal." KerbTab covered this. KerbTab ran a poll. Results were mostly rude. Now — and we need you to be sitting down — Huddin Kerman has also performed the program's second EVA. She went outside the station. She deployed the RESTLESS solar arrays. She came back in. Everything worked. KerbTab is thriving on the fumes of this information.

The scorecard currently reads: Valentina Kerman — first in space, first EVA, most famous face in the program, KerbTab poll 94% Mun want. Huddin Kerman — first aboard LSI 1, second EVA in program history, first to board AND first to walk, zero posts on Crewgram in the window we were watching most obsessively. We have questions about the posting.

KerbTab has updated the "is Huddin the new Valentina" poll results. Current standings: 34% yes (up from 11%). 42% "that's still not how firsts work." 24% "she did WHAT now." This is a growth chart. We will continue to monitor. We will also be refreshing Crewgram at regular intervals. Stay tuned.

280,000 likes on the Mun photo. Then Katdorf took over the telescope and went quiet. Day 49. I have seen something. WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT.

Huddin Kerman, engineer, currently living on LSI 1, posted a Crewgram photo of the Mun's surface taken through the Kerbin First Daily's pothole telescope with the caption 'day 41. she can see the craters.' It has 280,000 likes. The comments are mostly people crying. One comment says 'HUDDIN YOU WORK FOR AN ASTRONOMY BLOG NOW.' He has not denied this.

HOWEVER. Our sources inside the station (source: Huddin's Crewgram, which he posts constantly) indicate that Katdorf Kerman — the scientist — has since taken over POTHOLE telescope operations during night passes and is pointing it at something in deep space. She has not posted any of these images to Crewgram. She has not posted anything in eleven days. The last thing she posted was a picture of a food packet captioned 'day 49. I have seen something.'

She has seen something. We do not know what. We have launched a poll. Options: (A) the Mun, still, (B) a new planet, (C) whatever that weird point source is in the FARVIEW photo, (D) a very large space road. Option D is currently winning with 34% of the vote.

We would also like to note that FARVIEW-1 — KeedMartin's deep-space probe, launched on a telescope derived from the same KFD pothole camera — looked back at Kerbin from departing trajectory and sent us this image (above). 4.1 million shares. KerbTab has been staring at it for six hours. The Mun is right there. Kerbin is right there. We are going to be thinking about this for a long time.

We will update this story when Katdorf posts again. We are watching her Crewgram with a frequency that she may find unsettling.

Cheap, working, abort-equipped. KerbTab translates engineering into relationship status.

The R-SLS2 isn’t glamorous — no ion engines, no experimental propellant theatre — but it has three seats, an abort tower, proven SLS heritage, and a 2/2 mission record. In a program where the flashy station story blew a spec and the complex hub is under review, boring is having a moment. KerbTab calls that “quiet luxury,” except it’s loud on the pad.

MunShot Phase 1 is still planning. KOEING enters with the strongest track record. KerbalX still has to resolve the crew control gap before flying crew beyond LKO — KerbTab is not saying that’s a red flag, but we are absolutely using a red flag emoji internally.

Thermal margin discourse is ongoing. We don’t do margins. We do moods. The mood is green.